Absolution
by Tsuda Misaki
Summary: Post time jump Sasuke has been returned to Konoha, filled with guilt and the pain of memories from Sound. Sasuke doesn't know how to ask for forgiveness, and unlike Kakashi and Sakura, it doesn't seem like Naruto can forgive him so easily. YAOI sasunaru
1. Drowned out by the rain

Hi! And thank you eternally for reading my fic. I know how overused this whole genre of Sasunaru is, but it's my addiction, and I had to add my version.

This whole story takes place after the time jump, supposedly after Sasuke has been rescued by his Naruto and his teammates. Sasuke hasn't left his room for days, and isn't to eager to accept visitors, or any sort of contact with the outside word. Angst, angst, etc.

Warnings for thischapter: Pretty much nothing. Some references to past abuse, I guess. The rating won't have to get pushed up any higher until Naruto starts coming in in the next couple of chapters. grin

This is my first fic I've actually bothered to put up on the site, and I'd really appreciate any reviews I got. Thanks, and enjoy.

_I don't own Naruto, or any related characters. ETC._

* * *

Sasuke lounged on this bed, with his hands behind his head, staring at the unbroken cloudy sky. His window was lightly streaked, and the rain pattered on lightly, without much conviction.

A raven lock fell into his eyes. He sighed, blowing it away. There was a constant pain, throbbing in his head, from continually reliving the past few months. The cuts and bruises were healing, they had mostly disappeared. It didn't seem, however, that the memories would heal over, and fade from his, or anyone's mind, soon.

And the mark on his neck would remain. That horrible reminder of how he had sold out his body and soul to his former master. The sign of a slave. Seeing it made him feel filthy. He could never wash enough to clean away the last traces of Orochimaru. Even thinking his name… it was proof of the sannin's true powers. Just the name brought back waves of fear and self-loathing.

Sasuke turned his head, and was suddenly being stared at my a group of accusing eyes. His team's—no, his ex-team's picture sat on his bedside table. Sasuke knew that he picture hadn't been given life, in some twisted way, for fate to torment him with further guilt. Yet, he still couldn't shake the feeling that the eyes were judging him and measuring him. He had been stared at… constantly watched… by many people before, mostly girls, and never cared. Now, though, he felt strangely self-conscious. Frightened of being found lacking, in the opinion of the few whom he genuinely cared for. Not that he had shown his caring. He had left, but they had still come again and again for him. His eyes started to burn.

What was this sentimentality? He angrily grabbed the picture and flipped it face down.

He had to get out of that house. He was obviously sinking into madness. He grabbed a shirt and wandered out the house, not forgetting to slam the front door on his way out.

* * *

The rain was letting up, but the air still felt heavy and wet. One fat raindrop fell on Sasuke's cheek and rolled down his alabaster skin. He didn't notice. He was completely lost in his thoughts as he wandered aimlessly throught the streets of Konoha.

He was spotted by Yakamana Ino as he passed by her house.

"Saskuke-kun! Hi!" she sang.

"Hi…" he mumbled, without even really noticing her. She stared at his receding back with an awkward half smile.

* * *

Sasuke wandered through a small park, hidden somewhere in a nearby quarter. He was all alone in the trees. The silence was calming. All around him the leaves and grass sparkled with dew. He put his hand to his forehead. It seemed appallingly naked. His Leaf and Sound head protectors had both been left. He remembered the day they had all received their protectors. Everyone had seemed so happy. To wear them meant that you were a shinobi. It meant that you belonged in Konoha. Could a missing-nin ever belong again?

Suddenly there was the crunch of gravel under his feet. Looking up, Sasuke realized in his unattention, he had come to the edge of the park. He was standing on the side of an empty road, across from a small apartment complex. Sasuke stared at it dumbly for a moment. How had he ended up here? This particular apartment… which stood less than 100 steps from where he had stopped, was the home of none other than his masked sensei. This was strange. Maybe he had actually had a destination in mind…

Before, he had always respected his sensei greatly. They had been fairly close. Sasuke knew that Kakashi was powerful but Sasuke had never felt threatened by his teacher. The competition that had existed with Naruto had just never been present with Kakashi.

Sasuke could imagine his silver-haired sensei. He didn't think that Kakashi's eyes were so much lazy as thoughtful. They had always looked to Sasuke with understanding. Something that didn't come very often to the boy. He had always told, never asked. But Kakashi hadn't need to ever ask him about anything. He had already seemed to know.

Kakashi had come to him before he left for Oto. He hadn't even made it a suggestion that the boy was considering leaving. It had been stated as fact. And Kakashi had tried to warn him what it would mean to leave. Then he had asked him not to let his hate overcome him and leave. He had been right from the beginning. But his words had been wasted at that time, as much as anyone else. And the past was what it was.

Sasuke bit his lip. He wanted to talk to Kakashi. But at the same time, the shame was too much. All these people who had cared about him… and had asked for almost nothing in return… Did he deserve to be with them? To ask to be forgiven… or even comforted?

Taking one last look at the window he knew to be Kakashi's, Sasuke swallowed the lump in his throat and began to walk away. As he turned back towards the park, he stopped in surprise. On a nearby park bench, Kakashi sat, with the appearance of having been there for quite some time.

He jounin raised an eyebrow at him. Saskuke could tell that there was a faint smile, hidden beneath his dark mask.

"Looking for me?"

An uncomfortable feeling of foolishness washed over the teen. He attempted to not look so childish and lost. Shrugging, he replied, "Not really."

His teacher motioned for him to sit down. When Sasuke complied without comment, Kakashi laughed. "It wasn't that long ago when I had to tie you down to talk to you."

"Hmph." Sasuke smirked, before showing a more serious expression.

"Kakashi-sensei… How… how can you be able to speak so lightly… as if you have forgiven me!"

"Baka. Do you really think that you're the first to ever make a mistake? On our team… none of us have that much family. But… we have each other. So we can always forgive each other, simply because we love each other."

As Sasuke watched a single leaf drifted by in the wind. He suddenly realized how tightly his fists had been clenched, and released them. He looked over to Kakashi.

"Thank you." He said simply.

Kakashi flashed him an easy smile. He placed a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Sasuke, I understand you. You have nothing you need to explain to me."

Sasuke shifted slightly under the weight of the hand. He still felt slightly uncomfortable with any degree of physical intimacy.

"It might be best… if you spoke with some others, though…" he continued seriously.

The boy fiddled with the clip on his wrist. "Yes, I … Sakura was so worried…"

Glancing up, he caught the surprised look on his master's face. "Sakura? She was contented just to know you were safe and had returned to us."

"Then…?"

"Naruto was always the first… to chase after you."

"Na… what!" Sasuke rose as if confronted. "I don't want to talk to him… about that…" he said, his eyes gleaming with anger.

"Sasuke…"

"NO!" Sasuke near-shouted in a spurt of anger. He then turned quickly, to leave, going back through the park.

_I'm not ready for that…_


	2. Can\'t be more than what we are

Hey, I'm back! Only 3 days and 2 exams later! ;;

Yay, it only took 1 1/2 chapters for Naruto to appear in a sasunaru fic >.> Also, I'm really sorry if you get any feelings that they're all still 12 in this chapter. Or just that Sakura's extremely annoying. I don't hate her, really!

**Warnings for this chapter:** Still not much. Boys feeling overly sorry for themselves? Dunno.

Anyway, here it is. Please read and review!

* * *

Haruno Sakura hobbled slowly down the street. Noticing the house of her old best friend, she decided to stop and catch her breath.

"Hey! Forehead-girl! You looking for something?" demanded a voice from the open second floor window. Sakura hid a smile. The insult no longer packed any punch, but the girls still continued the game, not showing their friendship openly.

"Hmph. Nothing to see here, Ino-pig." Sakura yelled back. Then, in a kinder tone, she added, I'm going to the hospital to check up on Naruto and then I'm gonna visit Sasuke."

"Pfft. Sasuke-kun wouldn't want to see _you. _Besides, I just saw him walking to the park."

Sakura stuck out her tongue, "Saw and assaulted, more likely."

She turned, beginning to limp away again. Ino smiled at her fondly, before pulling in her violet curtains and swinging the windows shut.

* * *

As Sasuke rounded the corner he came face to face with Sakura.

"Sakura?"

"Sasuke-kun!" she exclaimed, her face flushed with pleasure. Just then, however, Sasuke became aware of her cast and crutches. He shot her a look of slight alarm.

"What the hell happened? No one told me you got hurt during the mission!"

"It's not that bad…" she muttered, casting her eyes downwards.

Sasuke felt the unpleasant feeling of guilt, once again boiling up inside of him. It was nearly sickening. Placing his hand gently on her shoulder, he met her eyes with his.

"Sakura… I never said it, but… I'm sorry."

The pink-haired girl practically threw down her crutches as she flung her arms around him. Any touch of distance that she had put between them, trying to not act so much like the little girl with a crush, was erased. "Sasuke-kun! You never spoke to me very often… but your actions spoke for you! And now you're back. Simply that makes me happy."

Slightly embarrassed by her open displays of affection, Sasuke carefully untangled himself from the girl's arms and reached down to hand her back her crutches.

Sasuke motioned with his hand, and the two of them continued on in the direction Sakura had been going. They walked for a while in silence, one that Sakura found slightly uncomfortable, but Sasuke didn't especially feel the need to fill with meaningless chatter. They eventually came to the back entrance of the village hospital, which was evidently Sakura's destination. Realizing her injuries, Sasuke helped his friend up the stairs. It seemed slightly foolish to him that she had decided to go the ramp-less route, but he held back any of his natural sarcasm.

"Why are you coming here, anyway?" Sasuke finally questioned Sakura, before they reached the doors.

"Oh," she smiled at him, "I'm just visiting Naruto-kun."

Visiting Naruto. _Naruto._

The implications jerked Sasuke to alertness.

"Naruto?" he asked, trying to hold back the worry in his tone, "Naruto's staying here?"

"Yes…" she replied cautiously, "You were unconscious when we reached Konoha. Just after we arrived, he passed out as well, from loss of blood. He had a concussion and Tsunade-sama believed that he may have had internal bleeding. I think that he is doing better now."

As they passed into the main lobby, Sasuke was facing a personal dilemma. He desperately wanted to check up on Naruto, and to verify all that Sakura had told him. At the same time though, he struggled with feelings from earlier. He didn't fell prepared to face Naruto. Along with the guilt, there was apprehension and a bit of fear. It seemed like the others had found it fairly simple to forgive him, whether or not he thought he deserved it. What if Naruto couldn't though? Memories of the last times he had seen the boy came back to him, unbidden. He remembered the look on Naruto's face, when it had first become clear that he wished to kill the blonde. He had nearly succeeded, too. Was that truly something that could be forgiven? Somehow, probably because of the guilt over that incident, it seemed like Naruto's forgiveness would also be that which he valued the most, as well.

Sasuke slowly followed Sakura, almost dragging his feet. Possibly he was steps closer to his old friend; but then again, he might also be that much closer to the one person who resented him more than anything.

Sakura stopped at the end of a long white corridor, and opened door 205, like she had been coming here all her life. He ventured in, just stepping inside the door. The room smelled like bleach, and Sasuke could see a small bouquet of daffodils on a table before the window. There was a white curtain in front of them, dividing the room, although the closest half was unoccupied. The curtain showed the faint shadow of a hospital bed, and a form could be made out, sitting up against the wall.

Sakura proceeded confidently past the curtain. "Hi Naruto!" Sasuke could hear her saying in a very cheery voice, "How are you feeling?"

"Bored!" came the familiar voice, "I'm already better! Why am I being kept prisoner in this stupid place? You need to be here more than me!"

"Did you take your medicine?"

"Sakura-chan! You're not my doctor! Are you even listening to me!"

"What? Oh, right! You have another guest!"

Gritting his teeth, Sasuke froze. His heart beat uncomfortably, but he realized he had no choice now. Forcing his legs into action, he slowly took the steps to put himself past the other side of the heavy white wall of cloth. Time froze, as he emerged, and for a second as Naruto's face entered his field of vision Sasuke felt things click into place in his mind, like seeing the boy had solved a puzzle that had been sitting at the back of his mind for ages.

Then, with a flash, his mind caught up with his emotions and he felt like a deer caught in the spotlight. The blonde and raven-haired boys stared at each other without moving.

* * *

Naruto felt a pang in the pit of his stomach upon seeing Sasuke. Remembering his anger and hurt, he tried to tear his eyes away, but couldn't. He remained frozen while minutely studying the smallest details of his teammate's face. Conflicting emotions flooded his consciousness.

With a final sudden burst of anger, he forced himself to look away. Clenching his fists, he let a hiss of breath.

"Oh… it's you…" Naruto said in as uncaring a tone he could manage.

There was a scarcely perceptible tightening around Sasuke's eyes. It was familiar enough, however, for Naruto to recognize.

"I'm sorry your mission caused you injury."

Naruto flashed him an angry look, "I wouldn't want you to waste any energy worrying about someone other than yourself!"

He received a venom-filled glare in return, "I never asked you to do anything for me!"

With that, Sasuke turned and left without another word.

Sakura watched all this with a helpless look, "Sasuke-kun…"

Appearing more or less defeated, she moved over and placed a hand on Naruto's hospital bed. Sensing her, Naruto turned away from the door and leaned back against the headboard. Letting his tense muscles relax, he slowly exhaled, his anger fading into irritation, "Idiot."

Sakura moved a hand towards the small blonde, "Naruto…"

He stubbornly avoided her glance, and the hand dropped.

"I guess I should probably leave," she said with a brave smile, "I'll come back tomorrow."

"Hmmph. I'll be outta here my then."

"We'll see."

She quietly gathered up the remains of Naruto's supper on the bedside table, then carried them out, leaving Naruto alone to watch the last rays of sunlight slipping between the blinds. Not being in the mood for TV, reading, or any of the other few available distractions, Naruto turned over on his side and attempted to go to sleep. But, closing his eyes, he couldn't find much rest. All he could see in the darkness was Sasuke glaring at him in apparent disdain.

* * *

**Author's note:** Whoa, I got reviews. That actually did shock me. But in a very good way. Warm and fuzzy way. So, thank you so much for all the reviews! XD

I'm really sorry if I made Sasuke seem a little too angsty/girly in the first chapter. I think anyone'd feel pretty bad after what he did though. At least I hope so, because that really continued in this chapter.

There is going to hopefully be a lot more sasunaru goodness in the next couple chapters, but probably a lot more shouting, too. And who knows, begging sounds good...

There will definately be more to this. I spend WAY to much time on the computer.And my favourite homicidal brother will be coming in soon. Yay!


	3. To get back to you

Wow, here's arather short chapterette… ah, sorry about that, but Akatsuki jumped in and cut off the end of this chapter. -sweatdrop-

I would have updated sooner, but I was away for most of the summer so far, and didn't get to spend much time on the computer, so keeping up with fics and Rping was… difficult. /crappy excuse

**Warnings for this chapter**: Vegetables?… Gah, this is pathetic. Don't worry, there'll be plenty of love and angst in chapters to come.

Just to let anyone know, no matter how many times I click the glittery red heels together, I'm not going to own Naruto.

As well, thanks for all the reviews. It makes me smile like an idiot to see them in my inbox. I'm going to hold back from replying unless there's a question involved, though.

* * *

Shifting impatiently from one foot to the other, Sasuke knocked on the door for a second time. 

'This is stupid!' he thought, 'Why couldn't someone else have done this?'

He cast a scowl towards the ground. Now that he was here, he realized that Kakashi had not actually given any explanation as to why the jounin could not go to Naruto himself.

Lost in the dark whirl of mental complaints, he almost missed the sound of the door being opened. Suddenly he was greeted with the sight of Naruto, standing there with an unselfconscious look of surprise, holding the door halfway open. Sasuke almost laughed at the idiotic face he saw, but he realized that he must look almost as foolish, standing there wide-eyed and wordless. So, brushing aside his childish trepidation, Sasuke swallowed lightly and took hold of the door.

"Were you planning on letting me in, anytime?" he asked, while wrenching it open even further.

A touch of pink appeared on Naruto's cheeks, but he stubbornly held his stance. "What are you doing here?" he waspishly demanded, shooting a glare that rivaled Sasuke's best. "And how'd you find me, anyway! Everyone else thinks I'm still in the hospital."

"It wasn't MY idea. Kakashi said that I needed to check that you hadn't yet neglected yourself to the point of death." Sasuke rolled his eyes, "And anyone should be able to figure out that you never stay at the hospital for more than a couple days. If not that, stuffing your sheets with pillows doesn't really make all that realistic of a double."

"Hmph." The blonde muttered, turning his head in embarrassment, "Still doesn't mean you had to barge in here like that… well, I'm ok, then. Your duty's over. I'm fine, you can go home."

Not being able to resist a quick peek back to Sasuke, he realized he was being watched with disbelief.

"I'm sorry if you want me out of here that badly. I don't really think you're 'fine', though. You're all pale, and I don't think you've probably eaten or slept for a day."

Sasuke understood that he shouldn't really be one to accuse the boy of 'paleness', but it just wasn't right for Naruto. It seemed so sickly and unnatural. The rich tan that made Naruto seem to glow from within with that wonderful energy that only ever had was only a pale shade of what he remembered.

Another reason for his trip came back to his memory, and Sasuke lifted the bag that he had carried there with a touch of uncertainty. Most likely it went unnoticed, but he avoided eye contact with the blonde. "I was guessing that you'd be an idiot like this… and not feed yourself, so I brought some food, fresh vegetables." He muttered, holding them out. From what he could see out of the corner of his eye, Naruto appeared to be wrinkling his nose at the taller boy's offering.

"Uh… veggies?"

"Oh God, still so picky. You're going to die of malnutrition." Sasuke sighed.

The growing lightness of their argument was making him feel better before he realized it. The whole discussion smacked of one they might have had 3 years ago. The comfortable familiarity seemed to seep into his muscles, relieving a tenseness that had been present longer than he could remember. He stuffed the vegetables back into the bag.

Oozing casualness, Sasuke shook back his hair, before suggesting, "Since you're not going to eat these, I guess I can buy some ramen so you don't end up starving yourself…"

As it was, that comment qualified for one of the closest attempts he'd ever made towards a peace offering, and the bait was snatched up. Although he did eye Sasuke slightly suspiciously at first, Naruto soon eagerly made the reply, "I guess I have time for a few bowls!"

Sasuke carefully shut the door behind them, as Naruto had sped out with his usual carefree childish charm. He felt slightly shaky at the thought of things that could go wrong, but the fact that the two of them were going to spend time together by conscious choice seemed an unimaginable improvement over the way things had seemed the last time together. He mustn't let himself think that everything would return to normal, though. He had gone through too much… experienced too much in life to think that it could possibly be that easy. The sight of that stupid orange flash racing through the streets seemed so innocently familiar, but underneath, he knew the fragility that existed all around him. He couldn't let himself relax too much. If he did, it would be too easy to make some small, negligable mistake that would ruin everything once more.

* * *

Deep red eyes ran over the sprawling forest areas and the organized central architecture that formed Konoha. From his place on the outer wall, the wind made the single figure's cape move elegantly around his still form, its reds and blacks twisting and billowing around his legs. He had broken off from his team, and moved ahead to this place, so all alone, he muttered his question into the breeze, "How strong have you become, Sasuke?" 


End file.
